Asking for Help...

On my ongoing quest for finding ways to make this caregiving journey easier or lighter, I've been looking at different websites and articles. As I come accross articles or info that help me, I will place them here in hopes that they will help someone else.

I ran into this article in the website for National Family Caregivers Association (www.nfcacares.org). I hope this is helpful.

“Reaching Out for the Help You Need”

Why is it so hard to ask for help? What’s a good response to the statement, “Call me if you need me?” Despite the fact that family caregivers are drowning in responsibility or are really confused about what the next step ought to be, they often respond “no thanks” when help is offered.

Asking for and accepting help is a complex issue. Obviously you first need to admit that having some help will make a real difference in your loved ones’ quality of life, and therefore yours as well. Then you need to define what help you need. Which tasks or chores would be the easiest to ask others to do? Which do you really want to do yourself? And which, if any, can you afford to pay others to do? If this just sounds like more work, know that it doesn’t have to be an overwhelming task but rather just a way to organize the thoughts and information you already have. Ready to give it a try?

Here are SIX STEPS to getting help…

1. Recognize that caregiving, like any job, is made up of lots of individual tasks, not all of which are of the same importance. Some tasks take a few minutes; some may take many hours. Some tasks are easy; others require some skill and fortitude. The challenge is to know the difference.

“The hardest part is fear, i.e., fear of refusal, fear of being
misunderstood, or fear that I’ll be considered whiny.” E. Dee Manies,
Overland Park, KS

2. Recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength and not a weakness. It means you truly have a grasp on your situation and have come up with a proactive problem-solving approach to making things easier and better.

3. Create a list of the tasks that need to get done in any given week, or at least those you are most concerned about, such as balancing your responsibilities at work with taking mom to the doctor and Susie to soccer practice, bathing and dressing your husband, cooking, cleaning, etc. When you see how long the list is you’ll quickly understand why you are so tired and don’t have time for yourself.

4. Group your tasks into categories such as personal care tasks for your loved one, transportation, household chores. You can group your tasks into only a few broad categories, or many specific ones. There’s no right or wrong way. It’s all a matter of personal preference.

"When people offer help, be ready to give them a date and time when they are
needed." Dick Stone, Oklahoma City, OK

5. Write down your caregiving worries. Where will we get the money to pay for John’s medications? Who will care for Mary if I get sick? Where can I find an adult day facility that provides transportation? Seeing them in black and white helps diffuse some of their emotion. It also allows you to think more rationally about your concerns and understand how getting help with some of your tasks might lessen the stress. It can provide the basis for deciding which tasks you might ask a neighbor, family member or the church to help out with, which you are willing and able to pay someone else to do, and which there might be a public program for.

6. Share your lists with someone you trust before you actually reach out for help – a friend, therapist, or clergyman, perhaps. The intent is to first get comfortable with the idea of talking about your need for assistance and hopefully get some encouragement and good ideas in the process. Then take a deep breath and actually ask someone to help with one of the tasks on your list, or ask for guidance in resolving your most persistent worry. Start with something small, especially if you are looking for hands-on assistance or something that requires someone doing you a favor. Don’t get discouraged if you get rejected at first. It sometimes takes perseverance. Just remember – the effort is worth it because the goal is better for your loved one and yourself.

Question?

Hey, everyone, I have a question for you...how often are you supposed to change an oxygen cannula?

I will post an update to this post later and tell you why I ask.

Caregiver Stress

Article from http://www.caregiverstress.com/

Most family caregivers struggle to balance care for an aging parent or relative with other major responsibilities, including jobs and caring for children. This often means that there is little time to care for themselves, which can result in poor health and high levels of stress. In fact, according to a new Home Instead Senior Care survey, 55 percent of the family caregivers who utilize their professional caregiving services appear to have average or significant levels of stress. (click here to read full article)

Caregiver Depression

Article found at http://www.caregiver.org/

...Caregiving does not cause depression, nor will everyone who provides care experience the negative feelings that go with depression. But in an effort to provide the best possible care for a family member or friend, caregivers often sacrifice their own physical and emotional needs and the emotional and physical experiences involved with providing care can strain even the most capable person. The resulting feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, isolation, exhaustion—and then guilt for having these feelings—can exact a heavy toll.

Unfortunately, feelings of depression are often seen as a sign of weakness rather than a sign that something is out of balance. Comments such as “snap out of it” or “it’s all in your head” are not helpful, and reflect a belief that mental health concerns are not real. Ignoring or denying your feelings will not make them go away. (click here to read full article)

Practical Everyday Ideas

~~Hand-held shower head (it will keep you from taking a shower along with your Loved One. It also helps when your Loved One is limited in their mobility.

~~Hand rails on shower walls are a must for safety

~~I found that putting those stickers on the bathtub was easier than a mat.

~~Putting a little water and pinesol in the potty chair HELPS (you know)

~~Use Zest, regular bar soap, to take blood stains off clothes (it really works!).

~~If it is hard for your Loved One to turn on a chair (e.g. when they get into a car, then they have to swivel to put their feet in the car) - put a plastic bag on the seat, this will help them turn and slide easily.

~~Keep a notebook with all your Loved One's information (personal, medical, medicines. etc.). Good for paramedics, doctors, or if someone helps you with your Loved One.

~~If you need to turn a Loved One in bed to prevent bed sores, take a flat sheet and fold it in half the long way. Put this down on the bed on top of your fitted sheet so that it is mainly under there rear end and back. Then when you need to turn them simply put either left or right limbs into the direction of the turn and then pull on the "pull-sheet" underneath. This will slide fairly easily and with the limbs being set into the direction of the turn, they will naturally roll over on to whichever side you needed. This also saves on your back and upper arm muscles. An added bonus is that sometimes this sheet might get a little dirty or wet, but it saves you from having to change the whole bed sheet, simply take that one out to launder and put a fresh one back in.

(keep checking back, we will be adding more tips/ideas as we go along)

A Caregiver's Right

As a Caregiver, I will…

~ Take care of myself. This is a healthy and intelligent thing to do. It will help me provide better care for my Loved One. It will help to sustain my strength throughout this caregiving journey.

~ Seek help from family, friends and support organizations even though the person I care for or a family member may object.

~ Maintain parts of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she didn’t require my help. I will strive to meet the needs of my Loved One in the best way I can. And I will make time to meet my needs as well.

~ Give myself permission to get frustrated, angry and sad and to express other negative feelings occasionally.

~ Refuse efforts by the person I care for and family members (either on purpose or not) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.

~ Receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance for what I do from my Loved One and family members. I will strive to offer these qualities in return.

~ Take pride in what I accomplish, find humor in everyday challenges and celebrate the courage it sometimes takes to meet the needs of my Loved One.

~ Acknowledge that I have become a caregiver, along with thousands of other spouses, siblings, adult children and caregiving friends. I have a right to expect that efforts will be made locally and nationally to ensure caregivers are recognized and supported.

P.S. Post this next to your bathroom mirror today!

Source: Original author unknown. Modified by Link2Care, 2001
© 2001 Family Caregiver Alliance

Any Ideas?

Given the subject of the previous post - How's about hearing from all of you out there. What do you do to get refreshed, replenished, revived? or Do you have any ideas as to how we as caregivers can accomplish this?

How's about some feedback?

IDEAS:

~~ I find going out in our backyard and working in the garden is relaxing to me. Even though I'm working, it is something I enjoy. I also love being surrounded by nature.

~~Just plain sitting in front of the TV and vegging. Not thinking of anything and not wondering what will come next…just sit and vegJ

~~Sitting in my back-yard, maybe reading, maybe hearing music or just watching nature.

~~Reading a good book.

~~An uninterrupted bubble bath.

~~A nap while my Loved One is napping.

~~Knitting, crocheting, sewing, etc.

~~Support groups.