Are you tired?
Tired of another diaper change…another bath…another appointment…another transferring…another morning routine, noon routine, night routine, routine period…another, you fill in the blank.
I remember once I heard a caregiver say, “I’m tired!” with a huge sigh. Then she added, “No, there is no emergency, things haven’t gotten worse, everything is the same, but I’m just plain tired.” Another said, “I’m okay, everything is the same. Don’t get me wrong, but the other day I had to go in my garage and scream!”
As caregivers we have a tendency to just go, go. We are like the energizer bunny, always on the go. We do, we act, and we take care of business until we hit a wall. The wall could be any number of things. We quickly deflate and become totally overwhelmed. Then we realize we have taken absolutely no breaks, we haven’t replenished our spirit, our physical body lacks nutrition, exercise, whatever, we lack sleep, etc., etc. Then we become easily irritated, short-tempered, and just plain ugly. Our body language speaks or dare I say, screams, louder than our words.
We know we need rest; we know we need a break, BUT…
• We don’t have anyone else who will care for our Loved One
• Our Loved One will not allow anyone else to care for them
• We think only we can handle our Loved One (this might be true, however, you will handle your Loved One better if you get a break)
• We feel guilty for even thinking of leaving our Loved One
• (I’m sure you can add a lot more reasons/excuses)
Yes, we can have an unending list of why we can’t take time for ourselves. I find that one of the biggest culprits is “GUILT”. There are times that we even feel guilty for thinking we need a break, how crazy is that. I remember when I first began my journey as a caregiver, I thought that I was the only one that could adequately care for my Loved One, and no one else would do. But I soon found that I was quickly deteriorating and becoming unable to keep doing even the basics. Then I had to accept help, any help. I found that even a little break did wonders for my physical body and for my mental health.
I also remember people would want to visit, but I felt that my house needed to be just right. I felt that I had to entertain, and I can tell you that after doing the tasks of the day, there was no way I could do anything else, let alone entertain. But I soon found that the friends that wanted to come over had the best intentions. And so I have allowed these visits. My house is not clean with a toothbrush, but I’m okay with that. They bring dessert or whatever and we simply sit and talk and relax. In fact, there are many times that I have to excuse myself for a moment to go tend to my Loved One, but they are also okay with this. At the end of our visit, they help clean and go there way. Has this been easy? Absolutely not! But I find it sure does wonders for my mental health.
A friend gave me the following quote:
That is why it is so important, as Ida suggested in the previous post, that we have a support group. I find that when we get together, we so often don’t have to explain or go into detail why we feel the way we feel – we understand each other. It also helps us to know that we are not alone and that others feel like I do.
Just the other day as I spoke to another caregiver, she shared with me that it was so difficult for her to make it to one of the caregivers’ fellowship. She felt that she didn’t have time, etc. However, she shared that she was so glad she made it. And that the next day, in her devotions, the LORD was encouraging to not forsake the gathering together with the brethren – Wow! God knows what we need. He did not create us to go at it alone.
Tired of another diaper change…another bath…another appointment…another transferring…another morning routine, noon routine, night routine, routine period…another, you fill in the blank.
I remember once I heard a caregiver say, “I’m tired!” with a huge sigh. Then she added, “No, there is no emergency, things haven’t gotten worse, everything is the same, but I’m just plain tired.” Another said, “I’m okay, everything is the same. Don’t get me wrong, but the other day I had to go in my garage and scream!”
As caregivers we have a tendency to just go, go. We are like the energizer bunny, always on the go. We do, we act, and we take care of business until we hit a wall. The wall could be any number of things. We quickly deflate and become totally overwhelmed. Then we realize we have taken absolutely no breaks, we haven’t replenished our spirit, our physical body lacks nutrition, exercise, whatever, we lack sleep, etc., etc. Then we become easily irritated, short-tempered, and just plain ugly. Our body language speaks or dare I say, screams, louder than our words.
We know we need rest; we know we need a break, BUT…
• We don’t have anyone else who will care for our Loved One
• Our Loved One will not allow anyone else to care for them
• We think only we can handle our Loved One (this might be true, however, you will handle your Loved One better if you get a break)
• We feel guilty for even thinking of leaving our Loved One
• (I’m sure you can add a lot more reasons/excuses)
Yes, we can have an unending list of why we can’t take time for ourselves. I find that one of the biggest culprits is “GUILT”. There are times that we even feel guilty for thinking we need a break, how crazy is that. I remember when I first began my journey as a caregiver, I thought that I was the only one that could adequately care for my Loved One, and no one else would do. But I soon found that I was quickly deteriorating and becoming unable to keep doing even the basics. Then I had to accept help, any help. I found that even a little break did wonders for my physical body and for my mental health.
I also remember people would want to visit, but I felt that my house needed to be just right. I felt that I had to entertain, and I can tell you that after doing the tasks of the day, there was no way I could do anything else, let alone entertain. But I soon found that the friends that wanted to come over had the best intentions. And so I have allowed these visits. My house is not clean with a toothbrush, but I’m okay with that. They bring dessert or whatever and we simply sit and talk and relax. In fact, there are many times that I have to excuse myself for a moment to go tend to my Loved One, but they are also okay with this. At the end of our visit, they help clean and go there way. Has this been easy? Absolutely not! But I find it sure does wonders for my mental health.
A friend gave me the following quote:
“Friends are those people who know the words to the song in your heart and sing
it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
That is why it is so important, as Ida suggested in the previous post, that we have a support group. I find that when we get together, we so often don’t have to explain or go into detail why we feel the way we feel – we understand each other. It also helps us to know that we are not alone and that others feel like I do.
Just the other day as I spoke to another caregiver, she shared with me that it was so difficult for her to make it to one of the caregivers’ fellowship. She felt that she didn’t have time, etc. However, she shared that she was so glad she made it. And that the next day, in her devotions, the LORD was encouraging to not forsake the gathering together with the brethren – Wow! God knows what we need. He did not create us to go at it alone.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – Two are better than one, because they have a good reward
for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to
him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.
Mark 11:1 - …He sent out two of His disciples…
Mark 14:13 – So He sent out two of His disciples…
We are in this journey together. Looking unto JESUS the author and finisher of our faith.
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